The holidays of winter often bring to mind the image of a full table—and a full stomach. We gather with friends and family and feast merrily on pies and potatoes, turkey and ham and all of the fixings that many of us dearly enjoy.

There is another side to that pretty picture, however.

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The turning of a year turns our thoughts to how we might improve upon the year that’s receding. Here are 10 suggestions for things to change in 2011.
<ol>
 <li>Fear of making a mistake. Face it, you will. Do your best and no one can fault you.</li>
 <li>Jumping to conclusions. Think situations through before rendering judgment. Consider whether you know all of the facts.</li>
 <li>Trying to please everyone. It’s just not possible, and the effort usually makes YOU displeased.</li>
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 <li>Thinking you’re always right. Opening to other points of view can be a liberating experience.</li>
 <li>Putting yourself down. Modesty may be a virtue, but self-denigration does nothing but harm.</li>
 <li>Overly focusing on the negative. You don’t have to be Pollyanna, but don’t miss the good things in your life.</li>
 <li>Regret. Learn the lessons of the past, and then let your regrets go. Nothing is served by dwelling on them.</li>
 <li>Comparing yourself to others. This is a destructive game you can never win. Refuse to engage in it.</li>
 <li>Despair. No matter how unfortunate your circumstances, it is possible to improve them. Seek help and support.</li>
 <li>Fear of aging. Medical advances, exercise, good nutrition and community raise our life expectancy and well-being. Embrace those elements and enjoy your longer life.</li>
</ol>

(Excerpt from Fall Newsletter 2010)

John has a well-paying job, but carries a debt load equal to half his salary. He spends compulsively, buying things he doesn’t really need. Because he also doesn’t keep track of his finances, he frequently bounces checks. John would like to get control of his spending, but hasn’t been able to rein himself in.

Sarah never spends money unless she has to and neglects self-care such as dental check-ups. She is self-employed but doesn’t make enough to cover her basic expenses and uses credit cards to pay bills when she falls short. Her debt load is a great worry to her, but she feels helpless to change the situation.

John is a compulsive debtor and Sarah an underearner, but their core problem is the same. According to Jerrold Mundis, author of How to Get Out of Debt, Stay Out of Debt and Live Prosperously, repeated debt results from dysfunctional or distorted subconscious attitudes and perceptions about money and self.
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From the second they arrive on the planet, just inches long and utterly dependent, our children occupy a place in our hearts deeper than most any other relationship.

We nurture, guide, feed and protect them for years. The relationship brings us a complex mixture of joy, frustration, sadness, delight, anger, pride and love. Our children occupy our focus like nothing else, as they grow taller and more independent with every year. And then they go away.

Of course, we knew that from the beginning. And that’s been the goal all along.
But that doesn’t make an empty nest any easier when it finally comes.
Fortunately, an empty nest is also the beginning of another era for parents, one that can be equally fulfilling.
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(Excerpt from Fall Newsletter 2010)

In addition to talk therapy, there are powerful yet simple things that you can do to help yourself heal from depression.

Inspired by Dr. Robert Hedaya’s book on dealing with the side effects of medication, The Anti-Depressant Survival Program, here are three ways to combat depression, whether you’re on anti-depressants or not.

1. Good Nutrition. A diet rich in protein, low on the glycemic scale (e.g., barley, grapefruit and yogurt) and high in whole grains, fruits, vegetables and good fats, like omega 3s, will help stabilize your mood. Protein is essential for the production of neurotransmitters that regulate mood, and foods low on the glycemic scale help stabilize your blood sugar, reducing fatigue, unhealthy weight gain and mood swings.

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There are no classes in life for beginners,” wrote poet Rainer Maria Rilke. “Right away you are always asked to deal with what is most difficult.”

Saying the hard thing can be one of the most difficult things we ever do. And for many of us, just thinking about doing it can cause worry, fear and stress. The good news is that getting these conversations right has more to do with planning and practice than saying “just the right thing.” And when we dare to broach these hard topics with other people, there are often hidden rewards.
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Do you ever have thoughts like these?

1. My life would be better if I looked better.
2. I will never look as good as _____________.
3. My _________ is/are so ugly.
4. I am so fat.
5. That scale/size can’t be right.
6. I look disgusting; no one could ever love me.

If you do, you’re not alone. Numerous studies and surveys show that up to 80 percent of American women are dissatisfied with their appearance. Women aren’t the only ones with poor body images; recent studies indicate that men are becoming increasingly bothered as well.
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Asking for what you want—and setting boundaries around what you don’t want—is a key life skill. But sometimes in our enthusiasm to practice this skill, we over-do our own assertiveness and end up with a partner who shuts down, gets angry or feels resentful. Here are four tips for developing your assertiveness in a way that will actually strengthen, deepen and enrich your relationship—thus avoiding the “alienation trap.”
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Groucho Marx once said: “Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.”

Aging well, in contrast, is an entirely separate art that involves planning, getting clear on your own definition of the “good life” and self-care.

Making these investments in your life now can yield a life that continues to be satisfying, rich and active…well into your “golden years.”
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With hardly any thought at all, you can probably say whether, in your family of origin, you played the role of the responsible one or the rebel, the people pleaser or the mascot. Roles serve an organizing function. In a family, roles sort out each person’s relationship to the group. While there’s nothing inherently wrong with roles, they become a problem when they’re rigid and shape poor choices as a teenager or adult.

Roles are especially harmful in families where abuse and/or addiction occurs. They become a vain attempt to control a situation that is chaotic and frightening. Also, as John Bradshaw explains in On the Family, roles function to project the image of the happy family, preserving denial that anything is wrong.

Based on the work of Virginia Satir, Claudia Black and Sharon Wegscheider, below are the common roles that children play in the family, as well as that role’s impact on adult life.
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