It’s always unsettling, to say the least, when facing an inevitable unwelcome event that will occur at some unknown time in the future. This could be anything from going to the dentist to a serious loss. There hangs the sword of Damocles and we are helpless to make it vanish or to slither out from under it — we are stuck.

We can steel ourselves, go into denial, round up a crew of advisors, or utilize any one of a number of possible reinforcements.
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Ruth Gordon is licensed clinical social worker in both Massachusetts and Florida. For more information, please visit her listing on the Therapist Directory. This article may not be reprinted, reproduced, or retransmitted in whole or in part without the express written consent of the author.

For the past four years, Betty has made a New Year’s Resolution to exercise more. She’s also vowed to lose weight (an annual resolution since 2000), and to finally start that novel (this one goes all the way back to 1995.)

Like two out of every five Americans, Betty begins every new year with stout resolve and good intentions. But like most who make New Year’s Resolutions, by the time the spring fashions hit the shop windows, all that resolve has gone the way of last year’s colors. No exercise program. No weight loss and, sadly, no novel. Not even a beginning chapter.

What goes wrong?

Betty’s problem and the difficulty most people face in keeping their resolutions is that changing behavior involves more than simply vowing to do so. A lot more. So, whether you want to do more or less of something, quit something altogether or start something new, here are a few tips that can help.
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Ilona Tobin has been a psychotherapist for more than 25 years in Birmingham, Michigan. For more information, please visit her listing on the Therapist Directory.

At some time, nearly every person experiences feelings of depression—sadness, discouragement, the blues. These are common, normal feelings that come and go—mild depressions that can be seasonal or event-related.

Depression becomes an illness when symptoms intensify and persist over an extended period of time.

Depression can be treated; however, nearly two-thirds of depressed people don’t get appropriate treatment.

Even with all we know, some still believe depression is a personal fault or weakness, and that the person who is suffering could just “snap out of it” if he or she wanted to.

Like with other illnesses, denial that anything is wrong may be one reason help is not sought. Other times people don’t seek help because they don’t recognize the symptoms.

Following are some common characteristics of depression and some dos and don’ts if you or someone you care about is experiencing mild depression.

Some Symptoms of Depression

• Persistent sad or “empty” feelings, feeling discouraged, blue or down.
• Negative feelings —feeling guilty, unworthy. Self-criticism, self-blame.
• Loss of interest in ordinary activities.
• Decreased energy, feeling fatigued, restless, irritable or lethargic.
• Increase of sleep or insomnia.
• Loss of interest in sex.
• Changes in appetite—eating more or less, gaining or losing weight.
• Difficulty concentrating, remembering, making decisions.

If symptoms persist and the following additional symptoms appear, then professional help is needed.

• Excessive weeping or crying.
• Thoughts of suicide or death.
• Persistent physical symptoms such as headaches, chronic pain, digestive disorders.

When Depression Is Mild,  What Should a Person Do?

Try to be with supportive, understanding people. Do those recreational activities that you have always liked. Participate in social activities or community gatherings. Exercise is helpful—go for walks, work in the yard, plant some flowers.

Also, break large tasks into smaller ones; set priorities. Only do what you can and check your expectations of yourself. Talk about how you’re feeling with friends, family and your therapist.

What Should a Person with Depression Not Do?

• Don’t isolate or hide out.
• Don’t set difficult goals or take on too much responsibility.
• Don’t expect too much of yourself.
• Don’t set yourself up for disappointment or failure.
• Don’t make major life decisions — changing jobs, getting married or divorced—without first consulting with others who know you well and have a more objective view of your situation.
• Don’t expect to suddenly get over the depression. Most likely, feeling better will happen gradually.
• Don’t accept negative thinking and feelings as refl ecting your true situation.

If you’re experiencing mild depression, keep hope. With time and treatment, if necessary, the symptoms will dissipate. You will come back to yourself.

Ilona Tobin has been a psychotherapist for more than 25 years in Birmingham, Michigan. For more information, please visit her listing on the Therapist Directory.

When the concept of “power” comes up it is usually connected to some type of emotional reaction. Some seek it; some fear it; some wish for it and on and on. When we can’t reshape or influence our environment in some important way, we customarily feel powerless. It is one of life’s most distressing sensations. Significant loss is always a trigger, and depending on our degree of optimism and self-confidence, we feel like our lives are out of control to varying degrees.
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Ruth Gordon is licensed clinical social worker in both Massachusetts and Florida. For more information, please visit her listing on the Therapist Directory. This article may not be reprinted, reproduced, or retransmitted in whole or in part without the express written consent of the author.

What does the word commitment suggest? It usually evokes a strong sense of intention and focus. It typically is accompanied by a statement of purpose or a plan of action. Very often, we utilize this word in regard to proclamations we may make about the seriousness of our relationships. For example, “I’m in a committed relationship,” or “I’m completely committed to this relationship.” In such circumstances, what exactly are we saying? We take it for granted that the word or the expression means the same thing to all of us. I can assure you that it doesn’t.
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Mel Schwartz is a psychotherapist with offices in Westport Ct and NYC. For more information, please visit his listing on the Therapist Directory or his website. This article may not be reprinted, reproduced, or retransmitted in whole or in part without the express written consent of the author.

Deciding to pursue therapy, finding a therapist, making that first call and keeping that appointment are, from my perspective, huge and courageous steps.  Moreover, these initial steps are usually taken partially in the dark, so to speak.  You do not know this person, you have no clue as to whether they can help you, and here you are deciding to lay out for them intimate details about your personal life and struggles!

 People typically have all sorts of questions and concerns in beginning psychotherapy.  Here I will attempt to address some of these.
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Dr. Tempinski is a clinical psychologist with more than 25 years experience treating adult individuals. She is fully licensed in the state of Michigan. Her solo private practice has been designed with the goal of maximizing client confidentiality. Dr. Tempinski works with the philosophy that most emotional difficulties stem from inner turmoil that can be understood and resolved. For more information, please visit her listing on the Therapist Directory

Most marriages and primary relationships these days tend to focus more on expediency and structure than on substance and content. In a culture that promotes getting the job done, efficiency regrettably takes precedence over fun. Many couples have become most proficient at getting the job done well. They manage the home, the children and work, but they seem to have lost the capacity to have fun together. They may work well together, but they don’t often love well together.
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Mel Schwartz is a psychotherapist with offices in Westport Ct and NYC. For more information, please visit his listing on the Therapist Directory or his website. This article may not be reprinted, reproduced, or retransmitted in whole or in part without the express written consent of the author.

So…your life isn’t going the way you planned. You’ve held your chin up high for what feels like (& often is) ages. “Everything happens for a reason” and “When one door closes another one opens” just don’t work for you anymore. What can you do? Well, one answer is find a palatable re-frame.

A re-frame involves taking a look at something from a different angle. For example: An elephant steps on your toe. You can think, “That elephant was out to get me” or “That gunshot frightened the elephant & my toe just happened to be in the way when the elephant jumped” (I’m sure these examples are extremely useful in your everyday life).
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Ruth Gordon is licensed clinical social worker in both Massachusetts and Florida. For more information, please visit her listing on the Therapist Directory. This article may not be reprinted, reproduced, or retransmitted in whole or in part without the express written consent of the author.

A young woman in her mid-twenties recently came in for her first visit with me. Three months earlier she had experienced her first bout of anxiety and it had become more acute thereafter. She went on to explain that she had been seeing a psychiatrist who had prescribed four different psychotropic medications, simultaneously. Complaining of a blurred and disconnected feeling, she offered that she was uncertain as to whether the cause was physical, emotional and psychological—or a symptom of the gross invasion of this massive drugging.
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Mel Schwartz is a psychotherapist with offices in Westport Ct and NYC. For more information, please visit his listing on the Therapist Directory or his website. This article may not be reprinted, reproduced, or retransmitted in whole or in part without the express written consent of the author.

In response to the queries of persistent readers who have been awaiting a new column since late June, I thank you for your notice and offer this little essay in response. In case you’ve ever wondered, the English word essay comes from the French word essayer, meaning “to try.” An essay represents an effort to formulate and communicate ideas. An essay, therefore, is a writer’s attempt to use language to forge a connection with a reader.

Overly optimistic about the launch date of my new Inside Out Journal weblog, I penned a column on the origins of culture and creativity, pleased by the compatibility of topic and occasion. It’s all ready to go, but alas, my brilliant designer and I have a bit more work to do before the unveiling.

So, in an effort to stay connected, I offer these musings about, well, staying connected. Meanwhile, stay tuned. Inside Out will contain a neatly categorized archive of all my past columns along with new ones.

Social Networking

Sometime in between dinner and dessert last Thanksgiving, the middle son of one of my oldest friends got me signed up on Facebook. Pulsating quietly on the desk behind the fully expanded dining table, the computer beckoned, and as Zach had nothing else to do during the interim ten minutes, he quickly cobbled together my home page. I finished up later.
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Mauri-Lynne Heller is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Psychoanalyst in private practice in Southern California. A graduate of Newport Psychoanalytic Institute and member of Newport Center for Psychoanalytic Studies, she is also an active member of the Writing and Research Task Force. A regular contributor to the online Health and Fitness Pages of the Orange Counter Register, her column "Inside Out" appears twice monthly. She is also a supervisor to clinical interns and a writing/editorial consultant. For more information, please visit her listing on the Therapist Directory